Friday, May 15, 2015

ZARDOZ (1974) - John Boorman


Zardoz, where have you been all my life? Besides hiding out under the last letter of the alphabet in my DVD flipbook? Where were you during my collegiate years? How is this the first time we've met? Why did we never smoke herb together? Or, at the very least, get stoned on one of The Vortex's green baguettes (see emerald dough below)?


I watched this post-apocalypse flick (really more of a dystopian future film) almost a week ago, and I'm still rendered speechless by this wonderful-horrible beast of a film. Brutals, Eternals, Apathetics. The Vortex, The Tabernacle. A religion centered around a giant floating stone head, in which the rallying cry is "The gun is good, the penis is evil!" And all of it built upon a god who is an anagram of the Wizard of Oz. This is the fascinating excess you get when you give a director carte blanche after the success of Deliverance. This is the movie you get when your lead actor wants to veer 180 degrees away from James Bond.

I won't bore you with a blow by blow description of Zardoz's WTF world-building plot. If the images below interest don't pique your interest, then it's probably not your bag. Just read the Plot section of its Wikipedia page, see how far you get before your mind melts. Until then, savor these risible images ripped straight from the Vortex...


The proper position in which to watch Zardoz (i.e., loinclothed, very man-spread)


"You may now kiss the bride...and avoid the 'stache."


Vortex Sex Ed


Vortex Dental Exam


Vortex Mammogram (Apathetics Need Only Apply)


"Breaking the Fourth Wall" (Or smudging it, at least)


Shooting the Fourth Wall (Because Fuck It)


Put on your snazziest orange speedo, then into the Vortex!!!

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