Sunday, July 31, 2011

TANGO & CASH (1989) - Andrei Konchalovsky


If the 1980s had ended a year early, it could have ended on a high (and Hard) note as far as action movies go. Instead, it ended in late December of 1989...with Tango & Cash. This may be the zenith of divinely stupid '80s action cinema. Or its nadir, depending on how healthy your sense of humor. I fall somewhere in the middle. You know what you're in for in the first five minutes minutes when Stallone shoots a hole in an oil tanker truck and cocaine pours out. Apparently, we're to assume the entire tanker is filled with blow. What would the street value of that be-- maybe a gagillion dollars? Just a spitball estimate.

That's just one of numerous absurd things the Tango and Cash screenplay asks us to assume and accept. Like why would villain Jack Palance go to all the trouble and spend a whole movie trying to frame and incarcerate these two cops when he could maybe, I don't know, just have them killed. To enjoy Tango and Cash, it's better not to focus on these questions. Instead, focus on the following...

1. Jack Palance plays the bad guy...a French bad guy.
2. Clint Howard plays a convict named Slinky...because he plays with Slinkies.
3. Eddie Bunker is in it
4. Maniac Cop is in it

Some things to ignore in order to better enjoy Tango and Cash...

1. All banter, "witty" repartee and dialogue between Sylvester Stallone and Kurt Russell
2. Stallone playing an "intelligent, worldly" cop
3. All the words coming out of Teri Hatcher's mouth

Also, unless you're into Beefcake, you might want to ignore this shot...

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